So Its our first ever wedding anniversary & we have been married for 1 whole huge fantastic year,So to celebrate the hubby has decided to book us a secret weekend away.Part of me is like a little girl wanting to run away with the hubby & spend all weekend between the sheets catching up on parent time. [cheeky bonking time without a toddler in the room next door]But the other half has that hideous mum guilt the thoughts pop in to my head, Savannah would love the hotel ,the dancing in the ball room, waking up & having room service in bed with us or the beautiful activities we could get up to.The mum guilt has arrived!
So hubby books the surprise & I make sure to show him how excited I am as I don’t want him to have gone to all this effort for nothing,We leave the house early Saturday morning I squeeze Savannah one last cuddle before I sneak out so she doesn’t see me leave.I get in the car and the specific things I have asked of the in laws are forgotten as soon as I get into the car. Savannah is brought to the window wave us goodbye, to anyone else this is a lovely thing but to me I burst out crying seeing her waving out of the window makes me feel sick and guilty like never before.[mother in law did not mean for this to happen she has no idea I struggle with anxiety ]We drive of to our secret destination with me struggling to stay in the car I plead Hubby to turn around and forget about the whole weekend, but he makes me realise this is stupid and helps me fight the fear.
The drive is 5 hrs on route to our secret destination I ask is it Devon,Deal,France,The Eden project & then we arrive in Cornwall one of my favourite places!As we pull up to the beautiful hotel called Carloyn Bay I get super excited like its Christmas but with the added guilt that Savannah would love it here the beach, sea,& ice creams.So we check into the hotel & hubby gets me a cheeky rum & coke to settle the nerves.Coping with anxiety doesn’t just come and go as I wish it comes & sometimes for no reason but luckily this weekend its been minimal!Now I’m not sure if thats because Savannah isn’t getting older & know she is happy & having a amazing time without me hanging with her cousins, or for the fact that Hubby has made sure I relax down the ease of the weekend!
He ran a bath for me as soon as e arrived and unpacked all of our clothes & bags, then once I had a finished getting ready he surprised me with a beautiful new perfume!He really has tried his hardest to make me relax and it seems to be working.My rule when away from Savannah is I don’t want to know what she’s up to as it makes me worry & think of her even more so hubby talks to his mum and checks in on her whilst I’m not in ear shot!As expected she’s having a amazing time.
Mum guilt can be a crazy thing at any time and you never know when its going to hit! As I lie under a beautiful white duvet whilst on a heated bed,having a full body massage & insane facial like none I’ve ever had befoee,all I can think about is my beautiful toddler I try for my mind to go to a zen place but I can’t manage to do so.So I decide this is what is meant to happen and just think of all the lovey things we will do this week when I get to see her & at last I feel totally relaxed and at ease.Once the massage is finished I meet hubby to have a swim and jacuzzi oh & a cheeky afternoon tea [I have put on about 6 stone in cake!]I realise this weekend has made us so much closer as a couple which Savannah will reap the benefits from us being happy makes her happy & so I think us mummies should book up more weekends away drink more rum & defiantly have lots more cuddles before we do so!My love for Savannah hasn’t changed if anything its become stronger, i just can’t wait to get home to give her a squeeze.
The Savvy Mummy xxx