5 weeks pregnant
So today I decided I was just going to try and enjoy being pregnant and if something goes wrong well at least I haven’t stressed my self out. That was until my hubby got home and said he’s going to try not to think about it until we get a scan in our hands so as not to get ourselves more worked up than possible. Since that moment, I haven’t stopped worrying, I feel sick and scared I can’t go through another miscarriage. I have just started feeling good after so long. I have finally felt like I’m getting somewhere and life’s not bad. I just want this baby so much and to have that little brother or sister for Savannah (she asks me daily if she can get one for Christmas and I say Father Christmas is trying really hard to get you one) What will I say to her if this one ends badly too.
13 weeks pregnant
Jump forward two months and I'm currently 13+ weeks pregnant I'm feeling awful which the Doctor says is good as it means the baby is holding and I just feel sick with worry most of the day. I still feel so anxious about everything but mostly I'm not excited which scares me even more. I have wanted this baby for so long and now I'm pregnant and it's all going well I feel like I cant relax and enjoy it. I feel constantly guilty to my friends that are trying or have been trying for a while and I feel like I should be enjoying and making the most of every minute. The only thing is I can't and haven't been yet. I think after having two years of pregnancy going badly I've learnt to stop myself from looking at babies as I would feel horrid or cry and making myself walk down different aisles in shops, so not to be faced with babygros or nappies has taken its toll on me. I'm feeling poorly most days and my anxiety is at an all-time high which I'm sure is why I feel like this. I'm hoping that once I have my next scan at 14 weeks (they couldn't fit me in at 12 weeks) I will start to get excited and feel the mummy feels I need to help me get to that point. I think from talking to other mums the second time around is a lot harder as you also know what is going to happen at the end. I also worry daily about how I will cope with a 4-year old that only knows to call out my name and a newborn will go.
I honestly am not writing this blog as a poor me I just want to let others know that sometimes it's not as rosy as it looks and everyone struggles at some point. I will add updates to this blog as I hope that it will help others and also help me.
If you need to talk to someone or want to read up on more please head to this site they are so helpful and really understand.
The Savvy Mummy xxx